“Buy a blank notebook. Draw a huge heart on the cover. Don’t write anything negative in here. If you need another outlet, make a separate notebook. This one is all about love, personal growth, and getting back up. Fill it with beautiful images, reaffirming thoughts, and quotes. Write in it every day, and each day write one thing you’re grateful for in your life.”—Kim, Advice from a Mermaid in a Manhole (via julie911) (via quote-book) (via enamour)
so, i should have enjoyed the fact that i don’t have clinical this morning (as is true for my another clinical on friday) and slept in. instead, i woke up around 6 a.m. and bought a breakfast burrito and an iced coffee from mcDonald’s and binders from wal-mart. now, i’m just watching t.v. and printing out lectures and syllabi for my various classes.
my first one is at 4 today, and technically it isn’t even my class (yet)(hopefully). i’m going to crash a class for the first time in my college career. wish me luck. my first real class is Public Health 301 @ 1900 (which, i know, is disgusting). my first nursing class is tomorrow @ 1120 - nursing research followed by pediatrics @ 1410.
i’m still a bit PO’d at sdsu’s stupid rule about registering for 18 units max and having to crash the rest. and i’m also PO’d because there is just so much interesting classes i still want to take and not enough time (confronting AIDS, plagues through the ages, holocaust, international health, costa rica, india, women and literature, etcetera etcetera).
this semester, there are a couple of things i need to work on:
Organization: because i refuse to spend another 3 hours of my life turning my room and house apart looking for an important document or particular lecture note. this also includes making copies of certain papers (i’m looking at you - immunization records. bitch)
Involvement: i need to find a way to get better involved and show that i’m not just about the books and exams. preferably something that has to do with leadership. also, volunteer more.
Time Management: i really should work on this (not that my grades have ever been a problem). but this will be important for later on. and i won’t be stressing as much. start with planning a reading schedule.
Internship & Externship possibilities - check them out
Find ways to destress: read a book (for pleasure), watch a feel-good movie, go out to eat, visit the co-workers, sleep. anything to keep the pressure of a semester that i’m not particularly looking forward to (nor is my forte) at bay.
“The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be”—Marcel Pagnol (via kari-shma) (via enamour)
“Yeah I found out later that they were talking shit about me - but it was all the same crap. The way I see it, if someone is talking about me, good or bad shit, well, at least they’re talking about me.”—Bernie Toledo
and it’s been a good one. woke up at 3 p.m. and got ready to go to a “late lunch” with B. ended up at chile’s and had a good, long catch-up. took a little food coma nap and now getting ready to go pick up angela and bernie for a a starbucks session. will probably pay a visit to the co-workers anyways to drop off my movies and pick up my last check.
and i’m trying to squeeze every possible hang-out before winter break is over and sdsu’s nursing program takes over my life again.
“We are lonesome animals. We spend all our life trying to be less lonesome. One of our ancient methods is to tell a story begging the listener to say — and to feel — ‘Yes, that’s the way it is, or at least that’s the way I feel it. You’re not as alone as you thought.’”—John Steinbeck (via delgrosso)
so i'm probably going to stay up till 5 a.m. again
because i woke up at 11 pm from a 7 hour nap because i woke up at 6 a.m. and went to school to volunteer at the Nursing Student Orientation.
i remember how nerve-wracking it was for me to sit through those three days of orientation - already worrying that i should have been studying for classes. being in the program was so different from anything i’d ever been a part of before.
i remember how weird it was to pretty much not know anyone in the 110 people that were in my class. and how intimidating that was (i laugh now because of how close we’ve all gotten, with individuals and as a class. and squished in the car later on our way to dim sum (the restuarant) - “yeeeeeah, we’re better.”)
it was a scary and exciting time. and i could feel the same from the new kids too.
well, that was my day.
i’m ready to enjoy the rest of my break before 21 units of nursing and public health eats me alive.
turn an ordinary night into a blockbuster night (one last time)
after one year and nine months, 417 movie rentals, and countless memories later, it was finally my last night at blockbuster videos (eastlake division).
i applied for the job in a random desire to prove to myself that i can shoulder that type of responsibility. i found out that they had an opening when i went to rent Michael Moore’s Sicko for Sociology and subsequently spoke to my future manager about a job position. i applied and got a call two weeks later for an interview.
i remember being nervous just like the three failed interviews i had went on previously. i didn’t really have any expectations like i did in the other interviews. but, as soon as i stepped into the interview room, i knew this one was different. it was a low key interview and i got along immediately with the manager as we discussed our mutual love for kiera knightly and her movies.
so, i was hired. and, till now, almost two years later, it still sort of feels surreal. i can’t believe i spent so long at that place.
there were so many memories made in that place. it’s been a huge part of my life for the better part of my college experience. there were many bad ones, definitely or i wouldn’t be leaving so willingly. but, in this reflection, screw the bad shit. i’m only going to focus on the things i’m going to miss:
the co-workers - they will always come first when i think about this job. they’ve been a constant part of my life, even when it seemed my entire life was changing. they are all amazing people - people who have accepted me for who i am and liked me even more for it. they are some of the best people i know. the majority of the original crew from when i first started aren’t there anymore. but, i still count them as my close friends. they’ve impacted me and my life so much. i can’t of the right words that can properly express how thankful i am that they are in my life. fuck, i miss them already.
the movies - ok, minus five free rentals a week is a major thing that i’m going to have to get used to. i’m going to miss watching the movies that haven’t even come out yet. and i’m going to miss having access to thousands of films, knowing that there is so much i still haven’t seen.
the feeling after a hard night’s work - i always love the drive after work. i love the feeling i get after every shift. coming home past midnight, dead tired but proud to have gotten through the night.
mCdonald’s iced coffee (and starbucks, occasionally) - we are all big coffee junkies. i’m going to miss walking into the store to see three half-empty medium iced coffees sitting on the counter.
the money - not going to lie, i’ll miss this a lot.
conversations about movies with customers - despite the fact that there have been many (very) rude customers throughout my time there, i have always enjoyed conversations with the nice ones about movies that we liked/disliked.
the memories - fuck. too much to mention.
so, i’ve learned a lot about myself through this experience. i learned responsiblity. and what that means in the real world. i learned how to be grateful for what i have. i learned the value of hard work. i learned that life isn’t easy, but you can’t let it bring you down. i’ve learned that there are people who walk in-and-out of your life but there are also those who are worth keeping. and it’s up to me to make that happen.